woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
