i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
