Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
the liver wants what the liver wants
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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