Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
