Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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