the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
