areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
