Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dear god my vagina.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
