i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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