mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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