I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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