I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
