i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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