Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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