I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
