Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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