My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
