I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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