My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
