I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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