Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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