My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
