I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
