If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
