Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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