the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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