He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
