I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
