i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I am one with the molecules
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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