No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I wish you could order shots online.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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