he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
