she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
