Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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