i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Let's get the cat blown out
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
