Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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