you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
