Just mADE A PArabola og urine
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
