My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
