Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
