Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
