I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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