There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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