Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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