I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
