She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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