I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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