why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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