i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
