You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
