Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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