I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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