At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Alive.
So much puke
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Randomize
