3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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