I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
