Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
