Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
