Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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